I’m very curious about anyone else’s thoughts and experiences. I am not much of a meditator. I have limited experience and usually fall into the practice for a month or two and then out of it for a couple years. Occasionally, life grabs me by the aura and demands silence form my mind. I am overcome with the need to be still. Silenced. Observe and just take it all in. But this only happens in nature.
I have been getting back into meditating for the past month or 2. Before I was doing it as more of an obligation, I hadn’t been doing so well mentally or physically, so I took on many practices. Yoga, meditation, exercise, walking, diet, cleanses, many things. At first, I spent 10 – 15 min. trying to clear my thoughts before work. Focusing on breath. When I do this I can immediately tap into a kind of energy. I feel a movement inside my body. Like the wind. With my breath I control this sensation. It feels tingly. Good. Sometimes growing in strength to the feeling of a mini orgasm. But of the body, not genitals. That’s the best way I can think to describe it. This isn’t a new sensation. I’ve always felt this energy about my body, this vague, casual, residual orgasmic type body buzzes. I have no idea how common this. I only ever talked to one person about it and he turned the idea of me saying orgasm into a sexual come on. I decided not to speak about it anymore.
Recently I took a class where we did a couple different guided meditations. I really enjoyed it. I had done other guided meditations a long time ago and had enjoyed those as well. With my new found love of podcasts (more in regards to people speaking of lucid dreaming), I decided to find guided meditation ones. One in particular I have taken a strong liking to is by One Mind Dharma and called Body Scan and Awareness Meditation. I like this for multiple reasons. One, I love how it brings your awareness into your body. How, if you so choose, you can bring your consciousness to your individual fingers and feel them. To the skin on your forehead. To the breath entering and leaving your nostrils. The meditation brings you through becoming aware of all parts of your body and I find it very relaxing. Before the meditation is over I have begun checking out.
As I slowly become more focused and release my thoughts, as my thoughts drift far into the background and slowly float by like clouds. Me silently aware, but not paying much mind. A warm glow floods over me (Like an iodine contrast test for a CT scan if you’ve ever experienced that). I feel lighter and heavier at the same time. I enter more into a hypnagogic state, my thoughts becoming vague and dream like. I’m still aware of them. Transparent visions begin to accompany them. The thoughts become stranger and I catch myself, I enter back into more consciousness, but with a still mind. The warmth remains. It’s like riding on ocean waves. Not big crashing ones. Mild, rolling, hill type. My consciousness sways with the waves. Gliding back and forth between hynagogic and alert. The warmth continues. Then I reach a stillness. I’m fully alert, not hypnagogic. Everything is still. There are no thoughts at all. I feel like I’m floating. My consciousness connected to my surroundings. Out of my body. It is a feeling of perfect bliss and connection. It only last a few moments. Sometimes I then return to the hynagogic and the ocean waves rolling back forth, slowly quieting the mind again. Until again, all is still and I’m floating. No longer physical. The feeling is pure bliss and it’s hard to ignore the excitement. The excitement brings me out of the trance, and conscious thoughts take over. The warmth begins to leave my body. I feel cooler, grounded, solid. Disappointed that the feeling is gone. I’ve lost the connection. I would have to start all over to regain it.
Has anyone else experienced this? What do you experience when you meditate?
I feel this is similar to lucid dreaming in a way. Trying to enter that dream state, but with consciousness. Then, when finding myself in the dream world, fully aware, the excitement can take over and snap me out of it. It’s hard to maintain.
Dreaming – trying to fall asleep, but not so deep into the dream that I’m unaware, trying to be conscious without waking up.
This particular meditation – Trying to be still without sleeping, trying to be aware without thinking.
Both are riding a fine line between conscious and subconscious. Both seem to be a very fragile state of awareness. One is like being consciously aware inside your subconscious and the other seems to be like subconsciously aware inside your conscious. It is in that space where I feel we are all connected. As I work to have a purpose, a mission, in my lucid dreams and ride them out without gaining consciousness, I will also attempt to have a purpose in my meditation, to seek something out without gaining conscious thought. I don’t fully understand it so I don’t have the proper words to speak of this, but let me try again in case I’m unclear.
In meditation – when I reach that state of perfect stillness. Where I’m floating in the inner connection. Conscious thought brings me out of it. Let’s say though, I want to focus on healing, or connecting to a friend, or finding the root of my social anxiety. When I introduce the thought to take me there, the thought snaps me out of the stillness. So how to remember and push the idea of what I want to accomplish into that floating state without it being a strong thought that brings my awareness back to the physical, instead of in the abyss where I want it to be.