Still trying to gain lucidity in the dream state. It’s been 4 days since the last time I gained consciousness, but it seems much longer. I have not been remembering much dream detail in general, mostly fragments and emotions. I think this is because I’ve been tired and sleeping well.
I tend to sleep in cycles, sleeping like crap for 2 weeks, then sleeping great for 2 weeks. When I sleep well I tend to remember less dreams and be more tired. When I sleep like crap I tend to be more awake in the day and in the night. I remember more dreams and almost seem conscious even during sleep. For example, sometimes I am lying peacefully in bed, I think I am awake, I roll over to check the time and am surprised that so much time has passed. I’m unsure if I’ve been awake or asleep. I have no memory of falling asleep or waking up. Just lying peacefully, I must have been sleeping though, but it feels as if I haven’t. Other times it is more uncomfortable. I’m restless and can’t sleep more than 45 minutes at a time, sometimes being awake for up to 2 hours in between the 45 minutes of sleep. It is these nights I’m more likely to have a vivid dream I remember great detail of or have a productive lucid dream.
I had an interesting dream at the end of April. Often I have control over my dreams even when I’m not conscious. It’s just a dream ability I seem to have. This dream depicts that ability fairly well. Since there are no lucid dreams to report on I thought I’d share this.
Dream: The dream recall starts with me in the car driving. It is nearing dark. I don’t see the sun setting, but the lighting is half way between day and night. I was meeting up with a friend – R. I was driving to meet him. I had already been driving for at least 4 or 6 hours (that’s what the dream memory tells me). I was running late. I should have been there by now. Maybe I had the city wrong and was headed to the wrong place. I can’t stand being late. Or being mixed up. Or keeping people waiting. I was getting pretty anxious and agitated. I have a vague memory that I was using google maps on my phone. I was afraid I had gone in the completely wrong direction.
The next segment I remember I’m in the parking lot of a hotel and calling my friend to apologize and find out where he is exactly and how to get there. It is night time and dark outside. It turns out I am not too far off and am only 2 hours away. He is understanding of my running late and being lost. I think I told him I would stay at the hotel and come in the morning, but I’m not sure if I remember saying that or my waking mind has just made this assumption.
Next scene I’m with my friend G and one of her friends (who is not real in waking life). It is now daytime. I’m in the town where I’m to meet with R, but have stopped off to visit with these friends first. They are camping outside of town. We make plans to meet up later. I can’t remember much from this scene. Just being there and making plans to meet again.
Next scene I’m with 2 other friends (who I don’t recognize from waking life). We are sitting on some rocks talking. R is across the road from us getting his things together for our trip. We are going to do a big snow camping trip and be gone for 1 week. We are going to be hiking in full winter snow.
All the sudden while sitting with the friends, I remembered packing and I was thinking I kind of did a half ass job of packing. I wasn’t sure if I packed enough warm clothes. I told my friends I needed to go and check my bag. It was already at the car with R. I was starting to get really worried that I had under packed and R would be mad and I would be freezing cold. I went over to my bag and looked through my clothes. I pulled out every item I had packed and looked at it one by one. This is probably the most detailed part of the dream. As I very carefully examined each item thoughtfully. I had packed 4 winter hats and my face mask, so that was good. What I still needed though was an extra sweatshirt or 2, some warm socks, and warm long sleeve shirts. I had too many thin socks and too many thin shirts. This is what I was thinking while rifling through the clothes. Then I remembered I hadn’t brought my tent. My tent is heavy and not made for back packing. I asked R if I needed my tent. He looks at me like, yea, duh, then says, “Where are you going to sleep?” I hadn’t brought my tent since its heavy. But I needed it and I’d forgotten it. I wouldn’t be able to go on my trip without it. So I thought, I need my tent, it has to be here. Then I made it appear. That was easy, now for the clothes, I thought.
I picked out all the clothes I shouldn’t have brought. Then I imagined the things I wish I had instead. I thought, I can just go into my dreams, into my subconscious and exchange the things I need. Pull them out of the dream world into this world. I closed my eyes and imagined my bedroom. I imagined putting the T-shirts back and getting the sweatshirts instead. I held onto this image and kind of pulled it into the pretend waking world as I opened my eyes. The items had been exchanged and I now had what I needed. I felt relieved.
Then G and the other friend (I visited earlier) showed up and asked why I hadn’t responded to their text. I said I didn’t get it. I looked at my phone and it wasn’t there, but then I reloaded it and it was there. There was some insinuation that I was over preoccupied with R and that’s why I forgot about them. Then I think I woke up.
—It’s interesting when I write my dreams out like this. In a way where other people could follow along, opposed to more vague and choppy when I first record it. It helps me to see it in a new light. Maybe just the re-going over it. But writing this, it seems I have a problem being worried about disappointing people, which is probably true