Two nights ago I tried drinking dream tea with added mugwort again. I couldn’t sleep, I don’t know if it was the tea or something else. I only ended up sleeping 3 or 4 hours.
I had 2 possible hypnagogic type dreams I remember, 1 dream fragment, and 2 dreams –
hypnagogic 1 –
My mom and dad were there. There was something I wanted to do and my dad was basically telling me that it probably wasn’t going to happen. He said, “I’m just trying to get your expectations ready for the reality”. There was some kind of overlooking voice. Like me that was watching the scene take place, and it was thinking that maybe this kind of a thing is why I always expect to be disappointed so that when that kind of reality hits it’s not as painful.
Hypnagogic 2 – I think this is another hypnagogic dream, but I remembered it in the morning. The memory of it is exactly like the state I refer to as hypnagogia. – I am a baby in a crib. Most everything is dark. I am this little kid, but I am also an observer. There is a monster coming at me. It is mostly a black smokey, ominous image near the door. I am terrified. The fear is very real. The observing me says, “oh hell no, I don’t want to relive this. I just want to know what happened. Not experience it all over again.” Then there’s a thought that says, maybe you have to relive this to heal. And the other voice says, “I don’t f’n want to. Get me the hell outta here.” And that’s it.
I had many, many hypnagogic experiences last night. I kept slipping into sleep and then waking up. For hours, never actually sleeping.
There is a vague dream fragment of camping in the woods with a group of people
Dream 1 –
I was sitting on a armchair outside crapping. I was wiping myself clean. At first I put the toilet paper in the trash can that was to my left. Then I realized I should be putting it in the toilet. I took it out of the trash and put it in the toilet. This was an armchair toilet. It was a tan color, Lazy Boy type armchair, that was also a toilet. It was sitting outside on the street next to the sidewalk. There were some bushes between the arm chair and sidewalk, but not many. There was a house a little behind me I was famliar with. There was a man from this house who was outside on the sidewalk and I was worried he could see me crapping. Then I thought, well if I’m out here shitting then this must be the normal thing to do, so it’s ok if he sees me. But then I thought, this is not normal, he has a toilet in his house. Most people use the bathroom in a private little room, but I do not have that option and I have to use the bathroom here on the street. I decided this was not my fault that I was forced to use the bathroom on the street and therefor if someone saw me it was not my problem. What I was doing was not wrong, just embarrassing. Then I thought, the most embarrassing thing is I need to wash my hands and there is no sink out here. I will have to go inside the house to wash my hands.
Next scene – I’m in the man’s house in the kitchen. There are young people (20’s) in the kitchen. To the right of the sink, out of the kitchen is a door that leads to the bathroom. Someone is in there and people are using the kitchen sink. Then the person walks out of the bathroom and I am going to go in to wash my hands.
Scene change – I’m outside. The man (who my dream memory tells me is an alcoholic and earlier had been sober and said he wasn’t going to drink today) He is sitting in the road with a bottle of alcohol, liquor or wine, and is surrounded by stuff, tinkering around. Hs’s obviously very drunk. I say to him, “It’s 11 o’clock, not 5 o’clock. What are you doing?” Insinuating he is drinking too early in the day. He says something, casually defending himself in a humorous way. I don’t remember what exactly. Then my dream memory tells me it’s Saturday and I decide not to press the issue.
Another dream –
I think I was on a bike and there were 2 kids also on bikes. Ages about 5 and 9. Somehow we were talking. Then we were talking about dreams. Turns out these 2 kids are lucid dreamers. We had been on the street, then we’re in my house. (fictitional house). We are in a living room all sitting on the floor on carpet. There is a couch behind me and windows behind that. The 5 year old is to my left, a girl, she is on the floor and there’s an armchair behind her. The 9 year old, girl, is to my right, on the floor and there’s a love seat behind her. In between us is a glass coffee table. Passed the table, in front of me is open space and then the rest of the house.
We are talking about lucid dreams/dreaming. These kids have a lucid dream everynight. They want me to teach them about lucid dreaming. I tell them if anything, they should be teaching me. And I mean it. I want to learn from them. They say I have more experience. I begin to tell them the short version of my lucid dreaming history. Saying I never had a lucid dream every night, but maybe every few days at some point. Lucid dreaming from 6 or 7 until 23. But for the past 13 years I am now not as able. I tell them I have to work very, very hard at it, and then I can. But to them it just comes so naturally. They still feel like I should teach them. I still disagree, not that I’m not willing, just that I don’t think I’m qualified. I remember I told them when I was there age mostly all I would do is wake myself up, or on the rare occasion, observe. I wanted to ask them what they did in their lucid dreams, but didn’t. Maybe the kids were talking and I didn’t get a chance. I’m not sure. The older girl is talking about her parents. She’s saying how she talks to them about her lucid dreams and they advise her. Make suggestions on what she should do. I’m jealous. I wish I had had that when I was a kid. It would have been very beneficial. But I’m also happy that she has this and I’m amazed.
I think I tell them they need to go home. Their parents wll be wondering where they are. I hope to see them again.
Next scene – I’m outside in the street. There’s a sidewalk, but I’m in the street. I think there are old highschool friends around, but they are all vague and I don’t see any of them. There’s a guy I’m talking to. He is a boy I knew in 4th grade (in waking life). His name starts with a G. I feel like in the dream I called him something close to Gravanar. He was an adult, around the same age as me, as he should be in the waking world. So he looked different, because he was 25 years older than the last time I saw him. We were talking about lucid dreaming. He was also a lucid dreamer. And from what I gathered, had been more active than me. I couldn’t believe I was surrounded by all these lucid dreamers. For years I had never met any, or very, very few lucid dreamers, and here were 3 people in 1 day who were all avid lucid dreamers. It blew my mind and I was very excited. G had to go. I suggested we exchange numbers. He didn’t seem all that interested, but I told him I really wanted to talk to him more about lucid dreaming. I told him to give me his number and I’d call him. If he didn’t want to talk to me he could just not answer. I said that’s what I do when I don’t want to talk to someone, just don’t answer the phone. Then, I told him I had been wanting to meet other lucid dreamers and work on dream sharing and maybe we could begin to explore these possibilites together. He was not as excited as me.
As he’s leaving a friend mentions how it’s nice that we are all together again reconnecting like old times. And I say G and me were never friends. I knew him in 4th grade, but we never hung out. A memory from consciousness comes in reminding me I had a crush on this guy back in 4th grade.
Analysis – I don’t know what these dreams mean. My only guess is the one with the lucid dreamers was trying to tell me I was dreaming. Also, just maybe reflecting that I have been reading about other lucid dreamers experiences and inundating myself with the dream world.
In that dream, I was very curious that this boy from my 4th grade showed up. I don’t ever think about him, but my dream conjured him up. I was curious. I knew his name started with a G. I tried to remember him. I was thinking perhaps he was Indian (from India). I googled Indian names starting with G. Then I saw his name, Gaurav. But that didn’t help much. I have an old highschool yearbook and wondered if he went to my highschool. We only ever talked in 4th grade. I find him. Gaurav ( plus lastname). I google him. His image comes right up. I recognize him and he matches the image from my dream. There are other Gauravs who look nothing like the image from my dream. He is a doctor now. Not surprising, because he was super smart in school. I tried to see if he had any dreaming connections, but he did not from what I could see. While this little detective work did not serve much purpose, it was pretty fun.
- Sometimes when I don’t sleep like this, but I have many dreams, I still wake up happy and refreshed. But on this day I was in a very bad mood and had a headache all day. I think that dream as a baby kind of disturbed me.