Last night I had 6 different dreams or parts of dreams I was able to record. One of them was lucid which I posted here at “Are You an Independent Agent? No. Then Go Away.”
This dream was the longest I remembered and also the one I was having as I woke up to my alarm in the morning. Luckily the alarm did not steal this dream from me.
Before going to bed, for the first time ever, I said to myself, “I will see my hands in my dream and know that I am dreaming” as suggested by Robert Waggoner in his book Lucid Dreaming. I think this helped me to gain lucidity. Though I saw someone else’s hands, not my own. I have also been trying to be mindful of my hand tattoos during the day because twice they have not been there in a dream, so I want to try and use that as a reality check. At the end of this dream people were talking about my hands and tattoos and I think that is why.
My waking life friend C sent me a text about our other waking life friend K’s baby (which she just had in waking life). I heard 4 texts come through. It is a long text. I was on the back porch trying to read it. It was early in the morning. I was able to read the first part. It said something about K and her husband had thought about doing something with the baby, but it hadn’t been a sure thing yet. Now it was. There is something about the baby having a lazy eye. I am a little upset. It seems C had known about this all along, but I am just now getting the information. I am jealous that K had been sharing information with her, but not me. Then all these family members come out on the back porch and then they all go inside. They want me to go in with them. I remember specifically standing on the deck in the doorway of a glass sliding door. They’re going to have breakfast and they want me to join them, but I don’t want to. I never eat breakfast with the family (which is true in waking life). I want to still be outside. It was nice outside. I walk through the house to the front porch, but there’s two grandparent people sitting out there. They might be asleep. I want to be alone so I don’t go out there. I want to find a place to finish reading the text. I’ve had a hard time focusing on it, but am able to read it.
next scene – I’m in a public Bar/restaurant area. I’m sitting on a bench seat at a table, someone I know is next to me. Across from me are wooden chairs. Two women, a mother and daughter, that I don’t know (in waking or dream world), are sitting there. I now have the text message printed out onto 4 glossy cards. The size of playing cards. The cards are all black with white text. I am still trying to finish reading the message. The girl across from me is talking about K, but it sounds like she doesn’t actually know her. She’s saying she thinks it’s super messed up that the parents decided to have their baby have experimental heart surgery. She feels the baby would be fine without it and they should just accept the baby they’ve been given the way she is. I’m curious because I thought the baby had a lazy eye. You don’t do surgery for a lazy eye and especially not heart surgery. I’m getting a little angry at K. Is she really doing surgery on the baby’s lazy eye? The mom of the other woman tries to explain to her daughter that these angels are born into these bodies as babies. And sometimes they’re born with challenges. And we have to live with these challenges and deal with them. But the challenges can make their life harder and not everyone is equipped to live with these challenges (meaning both the parents and the baby). Sometimes parents don’t want their babies to have to live with these challenges, they’d rather make life easier for their kid.
I’m still trying to read the text. It’s even harder to read and listen in on their conversation at the same time. What I’m reading is telling a story. It tells a story of a baby that is born with a defect. It goes on and on, I’m thinking, get to the point already, I kind of skim the story. It is talking about this baby that was born with some urinary problem and had to have tubes attached to its face for its whole life. It also could never be very far away from a certain machine or it would be a matter of life and death. The child’s life was very limited. There is a couple of black and white pictures.
K and her mom sit down at the table on the end to my left. They say nothing to me and I say nothing to them. Then the girl across from me asks what I think about all this. She’s says something like, “you agree with me, right?” I haven’t finished reading yet and don’t have an opinion yet. I say to her, “I’m not talking to you. I don’t even know you.” I say this because 1, K is my friend and ranks above this person. 2, I am not going to talk shit about a friend with someone I don’t know and 3, K is right there and I think this person is being rude. I realize though that I spoke very rudely to this person and so I say, “I’m sorry I spoke rude to you, but I don’t want to be rude to someone I really care about and that’s why I’m being rude to you.” The girl goes on to talk more shit about K and her choices. The person to the left that I know (even though I don’t remember who or if I knew them in waking life) tells the girl to stop talking. She does.
Next scene – I’m standing up. I’m surrounded by people I know or mostly know (but don’t recognize from waking life). They are standing very close to me. I’m reading the end of the text, finally. I start tearing up. K’s baby is born with some defect that will make her be like the baby in the story. But there is this experimental surgery that will possibly completely heal the baby. They have decided to do it. They shared the story of the other baby to show why they were doing the surgery. I agreed with their choice completely. But as I’m reading this and tearing up everyone is standing around me, way too close, looking at me. Watching for my reaction. I tell them to back up and give me some space. I turn my back to them, but they don’t go away. I finish reading. Someone says that men don’t like to be watched so closely when they’re emotional. I think, but I’m not a man. Then someone else says, yea look at her tattoos on her arm. And I think, what do my tattoos have to do with anything?
Then the alarm went off.
I feel like this dream was trying to help me become lucid. Especially at the end with the mention of tattoos. Like a missed trigger. Maybe I would have picked up on the signal if I didn’t have to wake up.
Sometimes in dreams words are shifting and I can’t read them. But sometimes I can with only slight difficulty. Never before though, have I actually remembered what I read. So this is pretty kool to have remembered this time. Once I dreamed of a series of numbers that I remembered upon waking. I played the lottery (in waking life). But I lost. Oh well, it was worth a shot.
The obvious part to me is, a disconnection I’m afraid may happen with my friend now that they have a baby. But I still feel there is more to this dream. I will have to think on it