I did a Quantum Healing Hypnosis – Past life regression Therapy (QHHT) with Michael Garber of Transformotion the evening before this meditation. You can read about my experience here. I decided to meditate on the experience in hopes of gaining more clarity.
I began by first focusing on the experience. Trying to relive it. Bring it back into the forefront of my mind. I began thinking first about how when Michael asked “what did you learn during this life?” (meaning my past life) all was blank. The thoughts that came to me were maybe I learned that being a powerful woman is dangerous. That living on the outside of society is dangerous. That even living a simple happy peaceful life can be dangerous. Maybe I learned it is safer to close myself off to this power, to this life.
Then I was thinking about the visualization with Michael where we met our spirit guide. I was thinking about how all 3 visions involved power. About the volcano. It seemed to me like this was a well of power within myself that could/would come exploding out. But I saw the scene as beautiful. I was thinking about the darkness in the box, and then the rainbow. How out of darkness comes light. But it did not seem that the darkness was evil. But pain, hurt, sadness. By going into this darkness, light and power will be found. Back to the volcano – this well of power within me. Often I do feel there is a great deal of power within me. But I feel that is bullshit, egotistical, and wishful thinking. On one hand, I am afraid of the power, on the other I’m afraid the power is a delusion. (though when I can be objective I feel there is a great well of power in all of us. We just have to find a way to access it and tap into it)
Also, at some point I am thinking about the tarot lady who told me I only stand in my own way. That I block myself. She told me it is my karma/destiny in this life to be a leader. I can’t remember the whole spiel she gave me, but it was in connection to past lives. And in this life it was time to step up. I think about that in connection to this vision of the past life regression. How maybe after this horrible experience of them coming after me, burning my house, taking everything from me, murdering me, when I was just a peaceful person making medicine in my little cabin. How this may have 1, created a hatred of people 2, a fear of showing my spirit side to people 3, being afraid to go to deep with it 4, a hatred of authority and wanting to quietly be outside the system. 5, how perhaps this shut me down to my power and connection. Made me want to be quiet in the background
Somewhere in these thoughts a hypnagogic vision takes over –
I have a leadership position. I’m standing at a podium. I have a husband. I have an asian son. He is a teenager. He plays football. There is a narrator voice that says something in an odd way like, “He is happy in the family, with you”
I write that down. Then I start going back over all the above thoughts that may or may not have led to this vision and a new hypnagogic vision comes –
There is some kind of bug on the beach in the sand. It has an umbrella like protective shell its holding over its body. This is protecting it from the sun and hiding it from predators. The protective shell thing is hard and in 4 connected sections.
Then I see the bug pull this covering out of its mouth. It had been stored deep in its belly. Then it shakes it open and holds it over its head.
There is a narrator voice that says, “The creature stores this in its mouth until it needs protection.”
My first thought coming out of this vision is that I am like the bug. Using a protective shield to hide myself. There seemed to be great significance at first to the fact that the shield came from within the bug and got pulled out. Maybe using fear and insecurities as a shield/barrier. The most interesting thing to note is what this protective thing looked like. It was the same shape as the thing I saw in my last meditation vision on 6/22 where I was tied up. In that vision it was around me and towering over like a wall, in this one it was above the bug. But both times the same shape.