For the most part, I feel our best healing comes from within. From turning our awareness inwards and finding emotional or mental blockages that are creating the problem. Often it is easier to turn outside ourselves for the answers. Whether we look to western doctors and a pill, massage therapy, reiki, or acupuncture, or to books and on-line information about chakras, numerology, and mind body connection in terms of particular links to ailments.
We use our brains and ability to think way too much and often I feel it only gets in the way. It is a great tool, this ability we have to process and analyze. But all too often I feel we, myself included, forget about our greatest asset. Which lies within the heart, the spirit, the silence. The inner knowing that we all have if we can just silence ourselves enough to hear it. Trust enough to listen to it.
More than anything, I feel something like massage, reiki, or acupuncture can potentially help because of the ability it has to bring us into deep relaxation and a trance like state. It is in this dream like state of awareness where we can find true answers if we are willing to look. Not to negate the healing ability of any form – western or eastern. But I believe they will all just treat the symptoms. Heal the surface. But the inner problems will come bubbling up once more if we do not heal the root. When our problems have taken over our bodies we often do need some form of extreme healing that exists outside of ourselves in order to instill enough balance to be able to function. Pain can be quite debilitating. But just functioning is not enough.
No matter how much exercise and yoga I do to maintain my physical health, in regards to my back. It is never enough if I continue to allow myself to get caught in the veil, fall victim to self-doubt, or deny my true passion. It was actually pretty great today. I’ve been kind of spiraling out. I had an absolutely amazing time at a beautiful place a couple weeks ago. I rode the high afterwards for about a week. It was natural and unfortunately normal for me to eventually come crashing down, as I always do. Crashing. I can never seem to hold on to the space where everything is one and makes perfect since. Where I know all is right with the world and myself. As I’ve been finding myself sinking deeper into the veil, the illusion, and questioning my own power, abilities, and general self worth – I find my back tightening up. Taking me out. I was doing some basic stretches, trying to find the space, the knowing silence within, and a very negative thought charged with emotion passed through my mind. My back immediately spasmed up with this thought. I could very easily see a direct correlation.
Knowing why my back is acting up doesn’t automatically cure the pain, unfortunately. Time heals, as does change. But this change I need is an ongoing constant inner battle. When I’m free – traveling, out in the world. Not living in a house, spending my time indoors, going to work. But out, adrift. Everything makes since. I don’t question anything or myself. I know what I know and I live in bliss regardless of what the world throws at me. But behind 4 walls, in a town, in a rendition of a 9 – 5, trying to fit in and make it with the masses – I just can’t keep my shit together for long periods of time.
Somehow this writing took a direction than I wasn’t planning on, but I’ll leave it at that.