After sleeping pretty hard until about 5am without remembered dreams, I woke up to pee. I felt much more awake at this point and decided to put in the effort to achieve lucidity and set my lucid dreaming intentions. My intention, as it was the 2 nights prior as well, was to heal my back pain. To go inside my body, shine healing white light, loosen up the muscles and blow out the tension. Also with this to be open and asking my guides as to why the pain was brought on in the first place and to help me heal the psychological components that contribute to the pain.
I’m awake, lying in bed, setting my intention. Projecting my intent out to the dream space. Visualizing myself healing myself. Communicating I want to heal mentally, emotionally, and physically. All the sudden, still awake, I feel a block. I don’t hear anything, not aloud or even as thoughts, but I get this strong feeling of – No. I think, I’m going to heal my back. And then there’s this force of – No. What? I’m kind of starting to slip into a trance like state. I’m going to become lucid and heal back I push the thought and image once more into the far off grey space I am trying to create and develop into a dream. “No, we’re going to do that” is the response. But again, it’s a feeling. Confused, I try again to set my intent. And again I meet resistance. A wall, and the feeling of “no, we’re going to do that”.
Ok, I think. You want to heal me instead? Please do. I change my train of thought. To open up. To allow whatever this is into my space and into my dream space. I accept you and allow you to heal me. I open myself up to those with benevolent intent to come into my space and heal me. Then I fell asleep. I did not have any specific dreams that seemed to follow this up. This morning I awoke still in pain, but perhaps only ½ as bad or 2/3 as bad as before.
I’ve never had any kind of experience like this before, nor have I ever met any kind of resistance when I’ve tried to set my lucid dreaming intention.
An interesting dream from last night that took place after this, which may have been healing in it’s own right, is like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. I’ve recently gotten addicted to the show Shameless on Netflix. It’s pretty shameless and completely wrong in so many ways. As it often happens when I watch a show too much, one of the characters filtered into my dream last night. The actor was 19 when the season was filmed, so pretty young. It somewhat bothers me that he would in a somewhat sexual sense enter my dream space being that he’s so young, but I guess that’s what happens when they sexualize everything on TV. So the character from the show is Ian, and he’s gay on the show.
I’m in a house with Ian. No one else is around. Ian has his shirt off (as he often does in the show) and is acting really goofy. He’s just being funny and silly and running around making jokes. I think that I’ve never seen this side of him before. (I don’t think about the fact that he’s on the TV show, he’s just an aquaintance of mine). He’s singing songs from the movie Annie and running and then sliding on his socks. He disappears around the corner and I assume he’s off to his room. We’re not really friends, I don’t know him that well and I’m surprised by this display he’s making. I wonder if he’s trying to cheer me up or if he’s doing it for his own amusement. Then he comes running back down the hall and jumps and slams himself into the wall. He falls down, jumps back up, and shakes himself off laughing. Then he comes back over to me, still being goofy. We’re in a house, but somehow we’re then at a picnic table inside the house. I decide I should join in on the fun and not leave all the goofiness and joke telling to him. This part is pretty fuzzy, but we go back and forth in saying ridiculous things and making each other laugh.
Somehow the scene slowly transitions to us lying on a mattress on the floor. Also, I kind of wake up at this point. This is the part that’s weird and has never happened before. As the dream reality slowly shifted from sitting at the picnic table to lying in bed with him. My waking reality also slowly started to come into focus. I became fully aware that I was in bed having a dream. I could feel my bed and blanket and pillow. But I was also still in the dream. Not quite a full blown lost in the dream scene. More so a trance like state with the image of the dream somewhat transparent and overlayed over waking life. As I’m typing this, for the first time I’m beginnning to see it as somewhat of a lucid dream experience, but not quite. The me in the dream, was fully in the dream scene. But then there was another me that was awake in bed observing the dream. I was really enjoying this time with Ian and didn’t want to let the dream go. So I wasn’t thinking about astral travel or lucid dreaming or anything like that. I just wanted to watch and feel the dream play out. It was very weird being both the me in the dream, having the experience, as well as the me in bed, observing the experience.
So the dream goes on this way until I fully wake up. I’m lying in bed with Ian. I’m in just my underwear and he may or may or may not have pants on. There’s a blanket covering up our bottom halves. He’s to my right and has his arm around me, under my head. One of my arms is touching him in some way. It’s very nice lying there with him. It’s not sexual. He’s gay. And I think how nice it is to lye here with a mostly naked man without any kind of sexual undertone. We’re talking. I don’t remember what we’re saying. I poke fun at him about how he jumped into the wall and fell down. He says he just got the urge to do it so he followed through and he was really glad he did because if he hadn’t we wouldn’t be here right now lying with each other. I become aware that my breasts are exposed and ask him if that bothers him, offends him in a way. Since he’s gay maybe he rather not have to look at my breasts. I know I’d rather not have a woman’s breasts all up in my face. He says he doesn’t mind and he actually likes it. Then he starts running his hand along my stomach and chest and I think that it’s pretty weird because he’s gay. But I also like it.
The whole scene then shifts and is becoming a different vibe between us. Very sensual. I like this change, but am confused because he’s gay. I’ve always felt like I have a healthy balance of male and female energy and I wonder if he is becoming turned on by me because of this. Then he says something about wanting to come at me from behind. He’s curious about it and would like to explore and experiment. I tell him I’m into it so long as he’s putting it in the right hole. Then I fully wake up before anything happens.
I’m in a city and I don’t know anybody. I don’t really know what I’m doing and I sit down. There’s a row of chairs along the sidewalk next to these buildings. People are sitting in them. There’s one chair facing towards these two other people that’s empty and so I sit in it. I’m basically sitting across from these two guys, but I don’t talk to them. I’m sitting there for a while and I’m looking to the left and to the right and trying to see if there’s anybody I know. Eventually I start to feel kind of silly and so I get up and start walking away. There’s guy sitting in a chair with long red hair and red beard looking kind of scraggly maybe wearing a tan corduroy jacket, something like that. He stops me and says, “you know you can’t leave. You have to sit there”. “What are you talking about?” I ask him. “You walking away makes the rest of us look bad.” I tell him I was just sitting here and I’m bored and don’t know what I’m doing. He says, “none of us know what we’re doing. We’re all here together figuring it out and you walking away makes the rest of us look bad.” I say, “It’s boring sitting here and I feel weird and I’d rather walk around moving. For one I’m getting exercise and then also I have a better chance of finding someone I know or meeting somebody or having something happen, than if I just sit here. Nothing’s going to happen if I just sit here and do nothing.”
Analysis – right now in life I feel like I have been sitting around doing nothing. Looking for something I recognize, but seeing nothing. I’m ready to start walking even if I don’t know where I’m going. I feel some societal, family, and job related resistance, which unfortunately filters through into my psyche at times. I feel this dream is portraying that. But in the dream I stand strong and walk away towards the unknown. Which I will do soon enough in waking life as well.
There is something with my friend. A memory that I have told him in the past that it is impossible to lift yourself up if you are busy kicking yourself down. We have to love and accept ourselves as is, only then are we strong enough to make an inner change. (this is something I’ve told friends and myself countless times in the past). Then I think I’m writing a letter to to this friend. He has been very hard on someone. Maybe me, but I’m not sure. I’m explaining to him how being so hard on someone else is the same as being so hard on yourself. Yes, it is important to be honest and help each other grow. To point out where we can be better, stronger, and demand more, but if we are kicking the other person down while doing this, then how can we expect ept them to stand up taller, stronger. We need to be real and honest, but also supporting and loving at the same time. Just as we need to be with ourselves. Demand more, be upfront, but come from the heart. Offer a hand.
Analysis – This is a conversation I have often with myself and others. Perhaps it is a reminder to myself to not be so hard on myself
Dream 4 fragment:
I had blurry vision at some point in this dream. In the dream I was thinking I didn’t have my contacts in (which I didn’t cause I was sleeping) and I could barely see anything. (because my vision sucks without contacts)
6 days ago I had a dream, for the first time I remember, where I had blurry vision. This dream was also just a fragment and I was missing 1 contact opposed to both. In that dream I could close 1 eye and see or close the other eye and have everything be blurry.
Analysis – It is interesting to me that I had these 2 similar dreams close together. Also, the symbology. Perhaps I’m not seeing something clearly.